‘this is just a test’

That’s been my mantra ever since I decided it was just easier for me to become my own Cognitive Behavioral Therapist and I read that someone like me is usually better off going along with their second thought rather than their first. So I pace myself in escalating situations by consciously remembering to stop and breathe long enough to repeat it in my head. Unfortunately, today I literally felt myself roll my eyes while repeating this phrase for the umpteeth time because it’s now officially reached the point when I am even sick of the sound of my own voice – or what’s left of it because I get to add asthma to the list of my diagnosis codes. So, instead…I wrote a list of things that I am thankful for today

  1. Maxi dresses
  2. On Demand
  3. Lavender scented Epsom salts from Rite Aid
  4. Sea bands
  5. This you tube audio recording of an Alan Watts lecture called ‘The Art of Dealing With Pain’ https://youtu.be/HNeaZeFbhH0
  6. Tressemmé ‘Fresh Start’ Dry Shampoo
  7. Guided meditation
  8. Big Little Lies on HBO 
  9. This learning experience (and the learned ability to see it as so)

If even numbers didn’t drive me up the wall my number 11 would be the fact that I had the forethought to memorize that phrase – ‘this is just a test’ – because that’s just about the only damn thing I can remember nowadays. Hello, Brain Fog. Welcome to the club. You may want to take a number. 

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